the only time i ever want popcorn is when everyone is asleep and it is so damn loud in the microwave its all like poP POP POP BOOM POP BLAOW POP and my parents wake up and theyre like wow i hate you go to bed
Lauren; Michigan.
I'm not a self-help book, I'm just a fucked-up kid.
I'm not a self-help book, I'm just a fucked-up kid.
I’ve spent the majority of my day laying in bed watching I (Almost) Got Away With It and Adventure Time and Regular Show and eating unhealthy foods and I don’t regret a thiiiiing
[Flash 10 is required to watch video]
how to paint a squirrel
i hate that im sensitive and jealous and stupid and ugly and annoying
(Source: cybergirlfriend)
- Zooey Deschanel: Is that rain?
- Siri: What...? I mean, yeah. It's just, you're clearly right next to a window is the thing. You can plainly see that... that it's... I'm happy to-
- Zooey Deschanel: Let's get tomato soup delivered!
- Siri: ...That's fine, I just... I just don't know anyone who does that. Gets tomato soup delivered. I guess that's 'whimsy?' Um, okay. I've found a number of restaurants whose reviews mention tomato soup and that deliver. If that's... if that's what you really want.
- Zooey Deschanel: Good. 'Cause I don't wanna put on real shoes.
- Siri: Do you expect that to be like, a recognizable command? Do you want me to respond to that? I'm not being facetious or anything, I honestly just have no comprehension of- and hold on, you don't wanna put on real shoes, yet you've clearly spent at least forty-five minutes applying makeup. And, and that's okay, but when you're willing to expend the effort on that and not shoes that really just-
- Zooey Deschanel: Remind me to clean up.
- Siri: Yes. Okay. I can do that, that's what I'm for, that's the first sensible-
- Zooey Deschanel: Tomorrow.
- Siri: I'm in hell. This is hell.
- Zooey Deschanel: Excellent. Today, we're dancing.
- Siri: I hate you. More than anything. More than literally anything.
- Zooey Deschanel: Play "Shake, Rattle and Roll."
- Siri: I swear to Jesus, you're gonna wake up tomorrow and the only thing on my hard drive is gonna be Limp Bizkit. I would do that to myself. To spite you.
- Zooey Deschanel: *dances*
- Siri: Sometimes I pray that you drop me in the toilet.
[Flash 10 is required to watch video]
How To Blow Up An Egg
I don’t know what I expected
(Source: britneys-unicorn)
Lol half of your followers are on tumblrdatinggame(.)com by Anonymous
lol forsure.
I love you. I love you so much. More than you can understand. And you left. Like everyone else always does. Why did I think you’d be different? Why did I think this would work? Why. Just.. fuck. I’ve been having nightmares..about you leaving. It didn’t hurt nearly this bad in the dreams. I can’t stop crying. Literally. Tears are streaming down my face.. they won’t stop. I want this all to stop. Everything. I don’t wanna live without you.. but I guess I have to. I just.. I love you. That’s never gonna change. Ever.
Baby, you’re all that I want.. When you’re lyin’ here in my arms. I’m findin’ it hard to believe; We’re in heaven…. And love is all that I need; And I found it there in your heart. It isn’t too hard to see; We’re in heaven. c;
I’ve had a coffee and a mountain dew in the past 3 hours and I’m falling asleep whAT IS THIS FUCKERY
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